Creating Meaningful Connections This Season

Ever felt the holiday season is more of a burden than a celebration? Join me, Donna Gaudette, as I share personal reflections on navigating through the holiday stress and expectations that often leave us feeling overwhelmed. This episode of Healing Our Kindred Spirits is dedicated to redefining what a 'perfect' holiday means, focusing on the heartwarming, genuine connections that truly make this time special. With financial pressures and social media's unrealistic portrayals weighing heavily, let's discover how to embrace compassion and intention, finding joy amidst the chaos.

As we explore the emotional weight of the holidays, I'll offer insights on letting go of societal, familial, and personal pressures. Together, we'll find meaning in small moments and share the importance of starting new traditions or releasing what no longer serves us. The spirit of the season isn't about perfection; it's about grace, peace, and love. By fostering a community of support, we can transform personal experiences into collective healing, honoring diverse ways of celebrating or simply being present. With heartfelt wishes for joy and connection, let's embark on this journey to find solace and support during a challenging time of the year.

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Chapters

• 0:01 Navigating Holiday Stress and Expectations
• 14:10 Finding Joy and Grace During Holidays

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Do the holidays feel heavier for you this year? You're not alone. While this season is often painted as a time of joy and celebration, for many of us it's anything but simple. The pressure to create the perfect holiday, along with financial strain, grief, loneliness or shifting traditions, can turn what's meant to be a season of peace into one of stress and struggle. Today, we're exploring why so many are struggling with the holidays this year, from the unrealistic expectations set by social media to the emotional triggers that this season can bring. We'll explore the challenges and, most importantly, how to navigate them with compassion and intention, and, most importantly, how to navigate them with compassion and intention. So grab a warm drink, take a deep breath and let's talk about how we can find meaning and connection on our own terms this holiday season. You are listening to Healing Our Kindred Spirits, and I am Donna Gaudet. Let's get started. I cannot tell you how many people have reached out, posted or shared the same sentiment. The holidays used to be my favorite time of year, but this season feels different. It feels heavier, and I can't quite figure out why. Maybe you can relate to that feeling. Maybe this year has been tougher than most. If so, this episode's for you. How do you feel? Do you think the holidays are heavier this year? Has been tougher than most? If so, this episode's for you. How do you feel? Do you think the holidays are heavier this year? Does it feel like it just creeped up on us and, oh my goodness, we're already in December?

Speaker 1: 1:34

The other morning, my cousin shared a Facebook post that said it's almost Christmas and I have never felt less Christmassy in my life. I felt this and after I read it I got a lump in my throat. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's been a tough year for so many people, myself included, and as a country. We have had economic issues and exhausting and embattled presidential election. We've witnessed the ravage of wars in the world, and I know for me I don't have the mental or physical capacity for much these days, especially the holidays, and I love Christmas. I usually have all my decorating done and we just finished yesterday and I don't know why it just didn't happen sooner. It was just one thing after another. Our tree is up, but it's not decorated. I don't even know if it will be before Christmas and, truth be told, it's pretty as it is, with just the twinkling lights. And did I mention I love Christmas.

Speaker 1: 2:34

In today's episode, we will explore why so many are struggling and how to navigate with intention, empathy and compassion, and let's talk about the myth of the perfect holiday. Does that really exist, and why do the holidays carry so much pressure? Do we blame the media and marketing and how they perpetuate unrealistic expectations? I enjoy social media as much as the next person, but can anyone truly, truly, truly live up to the expectations of curated holiday photos, holiday decorations, gift hauls and picture-perfect family moments? That makes you feel as if you come up short. Instead of following the tribe, I want to encourage you to define, or even redefine, what perfect means to you. I like to describe my choices as perfectly imperfect.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Why do we stress over every detail? Admittedly, I used to be that way. I would worry if this person or that person would like how I decorated what I bought. Did I spend enough money on their present? Would they like what I got them? Did I buy enough? It's exhausting and we are all feeling the crunch of the economy. We used to buy for all the adult, kids and grandkids, but the last few years, we just buy for the grandkids. It's not that we don't love buying presents we do. We love giving presents and wish we could do more, but, like many, our financial situation changed a few years ago and we had to adapt. Like many, our financial situation changed a few years ago and we had to adapt. And what about the rising costs about things you buy everything, not even mentioning groceries, don't get me started on that. Do you ever feel as if you cannot meet the emotional toll of feeling able to meet the gifting or celebration expectations? That's a lot of stress we put upon ourselves.

Speaker 1: 4:27

I remember as a kid getting handmade crocheted slippers, mittens, hats, scarves from aunts and my grandmother and my mom as well, and they were the best gifts. A few years ago, my cousin had someone make myself and my husband a pair of handmade crocheted slippers. That gift meant so much to us. If you are short on cash and feel inspired, homemade and handmade gifts can help alleviate the larger financial burden. You are not only giving a gift that you created, but leaving something behind that is personal to the recipient. I remember when I the last pair of slippers my grandmother made for me or my mom made for me, and they were so worn out, there were holes in them, they were so thin and I had them for years and I finally had to part with them and we knew that that generation of the gift giving, where it came from the heart, was so thoughtful and so meaningful. And then, in this day and age, everything is about fast, it's about gift cards, it's about the next best thing on the market. I miss.

Speaker 1: 5:42

Those days were simple, handmade or homemade gifts were given. Whether it's something you baked, something you made, something you crafted, those gifts have always been and will always be to me the best kind of gifts. And how about if we just skip the gift giving to adults, especially adults, by saying let's skip the gifts this year and focus on time together? The gift of time really is the best gift. My husband and I stopped exchanging gifts for Christmas and anniversaries many years ago because we stressed so much about getting the perfect gift and it was just so much stress and it just was not worth it. We have what we need. We buy when we need it. Giving a gift is just something that probably we could buy ourselves, but the gift of time, ah, that's the magic. The gift of time is the best thing that you can give. So on our anniversary, we used to go away for several days to a place we loved on the Cape and where we created so many memories. And for Christmas we would go away for a short few days to ring in the new year on a cold Cape Cod beach. Those were the best memories that we hold in our hearts to this day, because you know why they're so special Because we are no longer physically able to do those things and it makes those memories much more special.

Speaker 1: 7:12

In my last episode season one, episode two I talked about holiday grief and I expand further on that in that episode. So if you're struggling, please take some time to listen. You will be glad you did. But why does the season amplify feelings of loss? Well, the holidays can highlight missing loved ones, strained relationships, loneliness. Maybe you've lost your job, maybe you are in jeopardy of losing your job, Maybe a loved one is getting ready to cross over, and those things can make celebrating the holidays very hard.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Maybe you're reading, maybe you're dreading the holidays because traditions are changing and you just want things to stay the way they are or they were. This often happens when you have to make two or more families happy with the visiting, the gift giving, splitting of time. It's exhausting. I really don't miss those days anymore. And let's not forget life transitions, divorce, emptiness, moves All of those things can disrupt longstanding traditions. If certain traditions are important to you, try adapting them into your life for what your life looks like now and, if you can't, try to find a way to make peace with it.

Speaker 1: 8:34

I've noticed an increase of posts on Facebook about what life was like when we were kids. Now I am in my sixth decade and I I found these posts engaging and they engaged the reader and I enjoyed reading about the traditions that we once all had and even though it made me feel a little melancholy for that time in my life again. We all know we can't go back in time, but those memories just reading them and seeing people remember the things that I remembered really did give me comfort. And especially when life is tough, we're all struggling in one way or another. And let's talk about stress.

Speaker 1: 9:15

Holiday stress seems to be 110% more around this time of the year. We all have it, but unless we manage it, it can derail the best plans, whether you're putting the stress on yourself or someone else is taking you on that guilt trip. My mom, rest her soul, was really good about the guilt trip and I promised myself that I would not do that with my kids, and I try not to. But how can we make the season more meaningful without stress? A few strategies that I've come up with. Is you set boundaries? Politely decline events that drain your energy. Embrace simplicity. Prioritize connection over materialism. Spending time with someone, as I talked about getting together. If you can't get together for the holiday, make plans for after the holiday. And of course, it's always.

Speaker 1: 10:06

The biggest thing is to practice gratitude. You can do small acts of kindness and engage in mindful moments Journaling Journaling is a best way to express your gratitude. You have to get out how you're feeling and being grateful, no matter what's going on in your life. You could have the most crappiest day. Try to find something of that day that you can be grateful for. Maybe you were driving and somebody let you take a turn. Maybe somebody paid for your order while you were waiting in line at the drive-thru. Find something out of each day to be grateful for, and the more reasons you find to be grateful, the more ways you will be grateful. And what about simple joys? What is it about your traditions that you're missing? Reflect on what truly brings you joy and how you can make space for it, if you still want to include it into your holiday and if this season feels happy, you're not alone. It's okay to honor your feelings and celebrate in a way that makes it right for you.

Speaker 1: 11:11

And Christmas has evolved for many families over the years. I used to love big, boisterous Christmas gatherings with grandchildren, family, extended family around and seeing the joy when they open their presents. My heart would swell with love and joy. Just seeing their smiling faces and their simple gratitudes, the time that we spent buying things and choosing things. It might have been the simplest thing, but to them, seeing their joy when they open their presents, and just the screeches, the hollers, the excitement that's something that you really should enjoy in that moment because they grow up.

Speaker 1: 11:51

When my daughter and son-in-law my three older grandkids moved to Texas in 2017, life not only changed as a whole, but the holidays as well, going with the family Christmases and the celebrations and kids running around. And I still have family here and I appreciate and encourage you to spend time with people that you can, but the big family of having everybody here was gone and those family Christmases were just changing. The biggest thing was watching the kids opening their presents and it was hard not to be a part of that. But my daughter knew that this tradition was important to us and out was hard not to be a part of that. But my daughter knew that this tradition was important to us and out of the tradition we were used to came watching them open their presents from family on Christmas Eve from their home in Texas via live video and admittedly it's not the same as being in person, but it helped us be less sad as we got to see their smiling faces. I know as they get older that tradition will change again and I'll have to adapt as well, but that is how life goes.

Speaker 1: 12:57

I read a quote by Cheryl Rich many years ago Cheryl Rich is in many years ago that stuck with me and helped me when things were changing in my own family dynamic and the quote was Plans change People, people disappoint, traditions expire. Release your expectations of the holiday and be open to surprise. Let me say that again and I want you to write that down Plans change, people disappoint, traditions expire. Release your expectations of the holiday and be open to surprise. When Cheryl put this quote out there and I saw it, it really was at a time where I was struggling and it really meant a lot to see that, and I look at it every now and then when I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling, on my little pity party, that I miss my extended family near and wide. But life is hard right now for most everyone I know, and ourselves included, and my heart breaks to see and hear about the unhoused, those who have lost their jobs, lost loved ones or struggling with things we may know nothing about. So if you are feeling disconnected, I'm sure you have your reasons.

Speaker 1: 14:10

Before we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this If the holidays feel heavy for you this year, you're not alone. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. You don't have to meet anyone's expectations not society's, not your family's and not even your own from years past. Allow yourself some grace, and what matters most is finding small pockets of joy, of meaning, of rest and connection, however they show up for you. So, whether it's starting a new tradition, reaching out to someone you trust or simply giving yourself permission to let go of what doesn't serve you this season, know that that is enough. You are enough.

Speaker 1: 14:56

I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode, but what resonated with you. What's helping you navigate the holidays this year? Share your story with me by reaching out on social media, on our Facebook page, leaving a comment or even sending a voice memo. Your experiences might just help someone else who's feeling the same way, and I want to leave you with this for the holiday. However way you celebrate it or choose not to celebrate it, I'm sending you peace, I'm sending you grace. I'm sending you peace, I'm sending you grace, I'm sending you little moments of joy and I'm sending you much love, thank you. Thank you for watching.